~xCREATIVEx

Yeah, I'm having mixed emotions. Don't even read this if you're gonna get bored of my life (obviously...)

So school was wonderful to me as a junior. I saw my friends today, and I was so happy, hahaha. There were lots of new people too.

Except that the principal is being... ehhh, a real b*tch. There is something called "rules" or "laws", and it's meant to be followed in the first place. But I don't think ANYBODY would want to follow it at all if it's TOO extreme. She keeps interrupting class time with all the announcements with the rules that are really unnesscessary. And oh man, we got cameras everywhere this year. I'm not too surprised because stupid people do lots of stupid things last year, but I didn't think our school can actually afford that.... in any case, this principal is really anal. Hopefully my year won't be too rough.

Anyways.... I have my schedule. I love my classes... except I have to change one thing because the school listed me in theatre arts instead of orchestra. When I told it to my dad, he went beserk and was really angry at me. Even though I'm still playing my viola, he won't let me be happy with my current class schedule. (But I didn't tell him that I like my schedule because I'm just gonna bring up some more anger.) As I was explaining, he literally cuts me off from finishing my explaination. I tried telling him that maybe it was like this because there are classes that are ONLY available in the afternoon. I also said to him that if for some dumb reason I can't change it, I'm only telling him that I have no orchestra class, just for heads up and to prevent something BEYOND anger.

He always blows up. He's NOT even happy for me when I was in a school play or painting in tech. Heck, my dad doesn't give shit if I'm happy or not when it comes to education. If it's a vacation, he EXPECTS you to be happy and good. But for education, he DOESN'T care what you WANT, he wants what HE wants from you. It's mandatory to get education, but why can't my life be fun as I'm growing? And as you grow, you learn more about yourself, and you're more likely to be open to any field like theatre, or engineering, or whatever. Is it not okay to like more than one thing? Well, according to my dad, you HAVE to stay with ONE thing only. And this really scares me, becuase let's say... if I stuck to drawing only (so NO tech stuff or orchestra, nothing) and then my hands got chopped off or I just turned out to have hand cancer. What the hell is my talent then? Without my drawing ability, I think people will just hate me. So I try to strive for more than one thing. I'm not asking myself to do more than five things, but maybe the top three things that are part of my skills and talent.

I always feel irritated when I try to express my ways with my dad. I'm not talking about doing somthing bad, but I want to do something that I like afterschool. Many colleges take a real deep look at your extra-cirricular activities. My parents claims that they "understand" that fact, but they never want me to do anything when I want to do it for myself. When I explain, I get cut off as if I'm not even WORTH the time talking to or understanding what I'm trying to say. I'm not even my parent's kid anymore; I'm just another doormat for them to scream at. They'll scrap all of the angry shit on me when I was trying to give them a heads up in case of future complications. They always win because of their shouts. They don't care that much about what I say just cause I'm 16.

What's even stupider is the fact that my mom will get all up on me and tell me that I don't excersise. Funny thing is, swhe WON'T let me try out for sports in high school. And my dad tells me that I'm too shy, yet I can't go for theatre. I don't know about you, but this feels like irony to me. What's even funnierr is whenever they explain why they won't let me do shit in school is because we're poor, and it's a stupid waste of time and education. As I get a teacher to explain or convince them, they'll say "Oh yeah, we know it's good for her, but the timing is very bad."

I don't even know if this is worse than the time my so-called friend stole my camera and then gave it back indirectly... my ex-friend isn't man enough to say sorry to me. I can't stand looking at him, and seeing people flocking to him since he's popular.

It hurts when you have a parent who doesn't appreciate one bit about you. I have this feeling that I was an accident kid or I'm not even related, but I try no to say too much because I don't know if that's exactly true. However, it's a sick feeling. I hate it very much. I don't even know why my parents bother keeping me if I'm gonna be too much for them. I guess it's so that they won't have to go to jail or deal with court. Very sweet to save yourself, eh? And not having that reputation of being to anal and extrememly controlling to your own kids?

That's fucked up. All of this stress is just getting me closer to some disease as I grow older. Stress can contribute to serious illness, physically and mentally. Thanks a lot, mom and dad. I'm getting closer to Hell everyday. Not heaven, no, no.... remember one of the Ten Commandments? One of it says "honor your parents"... haha, I know I don't, so off I go to Hell one day.